going home

Date: Sunday, June 7, 2009
Time: 7:34 AM

paid the price

i know i've always been rude to them. this time maybe i have gone too far. everything was fine, till i burst out and argued though what i had thought to do was to reason out nicely. but the tone i used, if they havent realized, is the tone they used too. so is this reciprocal?

since i know that im using the tone they are using, why cant i change for the better?

im seriously the one left out now in this place. nothing i do or say pleases them. he came home and i was the first to look at him. i said softly, hello daddy, but i got nothing back. he came in and everyone greeted him and he greeted them back, warmly. is it because i said it too softly? we merely spoke one or two words yesterday. today nothing much. i drank some milk and placed my cup at the back. my mom said using a tone, can u wash your cup? at least help me a bit la! this kind of thing also cannot do, next time when u become someone's wife how? of course anger will rise in me. cant she ask nicely like, can u please wash your own cup? and of course, in a nice tone.

i wept on thursday night. i almost cried during choir cause i was reminded of them. i even booked tickets for them to watch my concert although there are slim chances of selling them now. i cried yesterday when i stayed in the kitchen eating my yoghurt bar and after my mom scolded me for spraying too much insecticide in order to kill roaches. it always happen when im back in my own room where privacy is all mine. my tears seem to be never ending. i've controlled a lot already. but inside, my heart wrenched. i guess these days, i just have to solemnly cry without them knowing, for it makes no difference letting them know that i cried.

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