about the escaper
This place belongs to you and me. No one else know of this place. My renaissance are all kept here, happy or sad, it doesn't matter.

past escapes
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
May 2010
June 2010

soul mates
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tuesdaynight
*For the glow effect tutorial.
Date: Sunday, January 3, 2010
Time: 12:34 AM
the past thoughts; naive

i was just reading through the first few posts of this blog and i realised, how naive and immature i was.

it was mainly complaining about my home, how bad, how dreadful it seemed. but now, it's different. i yearned to come home almost everyday now, must be the holidays i guess? however, it's true. maybe it's because for the past weeks, i havent been home and i felt guilty. guilty towards my mom mainly, for leaving her at home alone most of the time. to leave her eating her meals by herself. how dreadful that feeling is, with no one as accompaniment.

i promise, i promise to stay by my family for life and death. it's my honour.

then, and now.

i remembered my grandparents, especially my paternal grandmother. it's such a nice warm feeling to have them by your side, to dine with them. i dont get that chance anymore. sometimes i ask myself why they had to go so early, so fast. i didnt never got the chance to tell them i got into a secondary school or a junior college. i never got the chance to tell them, im attached and we are still together up to this moment. i never got the chance to have a proper family reunion where all my relatives gather and we have dinner at the back where the big big table was out in the open and the soup's gone in a split moment. her typical actions, her typical words. she'll always carry the youngest and let her sit on her lap while the rest play catching or hide-and-seek. but what can i say and see now?
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 12:16 AM
i should have made up my mind that very day

htc isnt good. even mrs wong said so. i should havea sked her? how stupid can i get? i should have gotten iphone. haiz. im full of regrets. yea it's good people think that im happy most of the time and im contented with my life which usually i am but seriously, i got the chance ofgetting an iphone! but i let it slip away. how stupid am i? very.

so what i can do now is to save up as much money as i can to pay the counter-forfeit and get the iphone at the end of this year. maybe getting a htc now will prevent myself from playing it too much?

i should have listened to geng. im an idiot.

im sorry for throwing my temper, im sorry for throwing a tantrum despite knowing that you arent feeling well the whole time. but what can i do? i miss you so much, i only had that few minutes with you.

i felt so horrible when she told me she got her dslr because i want it so badly and i just told her about it, and she got it on the very first day of 2010. what did i get? it's no wonder she said 'i love my daddy'. i know she's kinda spoilt. but honestly, i thought she has woken up from her dream, she has thought clearly about how her dad has been treating her and all but no, mainly it's because of the camera i guess.

im trying not to be materialistic where my parents have to get every expensive thing i want. im trying to save up but at times i cant. my money is flying everywhere, to places unknown and i cant think of either. but why.

for this whole holiday, i was slogging my guts out going to Pomo and school for choir, going to obs, how much of a break do i have?

like i wrote in my blog post, people never fail to realise how fortunate they are, including myself.

i should do what i should do to earn myself what i want. that's the best i can think of.

0have left cookies for me