about the escaper
This place belongs to you and me. No one else know of this place. My renaissance are all kept here, happy or sad, it doesn't matter.

past escapes
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
May 2010
June 2010

soul mates
url friend A

resources
x o x o x
tuesdaynight
*For the glow effect tutorial.
Date: Monday, June 29, 2009
Time: 7:17 AM
failing

i know you will be angry at me for blogging although i need the time spend here to revise. but i still must shout out,

im seriously afraid of failing chemistry. however i just cannot do the questions anymore. im so afraid. i dont understand what the questions are asking for. save me from failing, someone. please.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 5:59 AM
to the dentist i went

and oh, i took neither slots. hahaha, i took the 27th June '09 slot, the earliest they could give me. :D

my teeth is fine! clean and nice. no holes, no filling needed to be done :D i just have to visit the dentist during dec! hahaha sweet :D
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 5:55 AM
exams

today's the first day of exams and OHMYGOODNESS! it was horrible.

-.-

i wanna scream out loud cause although i've tried my best to study all but i couldnt in the end. i studied so hard for my demand and supply simultaneous shift diagram yet i labelled an arrow wrongly which most probably be marked 0 cause it's just that.

urrgghghghgh. i kinda regret not taking my bro's advice. it's always better to take H2 Econs as it's more of memorising. although H1 Econs will enable you to use your brains, what if your brain is like mine, and you cant simply do case study questions?!

regrets regrets. but this isnt the time. tomorrow's chem, another screwed paper for me. i've yet to study all chapters and they are rather big. PRAY HARD FOR ME! I NEED TO BE SAVED.

i seriously dont want to be a STAR pupil.
neither do i wanna be a rockstar.
0have left cookies for me

Date: Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Time: 1:12 AM
my mouth hurts

yea and it does a lot. actually not a lot. but it bled one night, after i brushed my teeth. i dont know what's wrong but the back of my jaws, one tooth and the gum are causing me the pain.

i wonder.

should i take the 8th july slot? or the september slot?
early prevention is better than late prevention. although prevention is definitely better than cure.
0have left cookies for me

Date: Sunday, June 21, 2009
Time: 7:00 AM
blowing my top

it all happened very quickly. it started and in no time, it ended.

i just wondered if it's fair. as in, you'd want your younger siblings to respect you and be polite towards you. in return, you will have to respect them and be polite to them.

thus, i seriously dont feel that what i've done, what i've demanded, to ask him to repeat what he had told me when i was younger was rude or whatsoever you think it is. it's a give and take thing. and i think he seriously owes me an apology for running the rollers over my feet. luckily they are fine, if not he'll feel guilty for the rest of his life!

RAWR.
0have left cookies for me

Date: Saturday, June 20, 2009
Time: 11:12 PM
irritation

i hate arrogant people. people who brags about things belonging to them when they belong to others as well. i just cannot stand it. it gets on my nerves. it irritates me.

i shall not write a long one now. many many things to do. T.T
0have left cookies for me

Date: Saturday, June 13, 2009
Time: 8:58 AM
140609

I WANT MANY MANY FURNITURE FOR MY FUTURE ROOM!
0have left cookies for me

Date: Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Time: 8:31 AM
i've tried my best

well, all these years, just 2 and a half years, i've got to know quite a lot about her. seems like im entangled in such a situation that i cant let her ruin herself or down herself with what she's downing her with now.

she's worst off compared to the past 2 years. why is that so? puh-lease. just because her JC class isnt that lively now, doesnt mean she cant concentrate. i know, it's kinda 'used to' it. that's what happens when u enjoy first and when the suffering comes, one cannot take it.

seriously, why? well, it's unfair. she has many years of enjoyment in class while i had quite a bad time in primary school and sec 1 AND sec 2. sec 3 was the time my fun came. HELLO, that's 15 years old! she got it when she was like in pri school? pri 3 or pri 5? and her sec 1 and sec 2 lives were great! they even had gathering now. this includes sec 3 and 4, where it is vibrant and lively.

so it's a really used to it secondary school life. it's secondary school, not JC. you chose the school, you chose your subject combi, you chose your life. i cant do anything much about it. u didnt wanna go to a poly cause you dont know what course to take. this shows you have no aim in life. even if u have, like u said u want to score ______ for O levels. i told u, then u have to study, no study, no hardwork, no results. u tried studying, gave up 15 minutes later? omg.

im tired already. i've worn out of advices. i've been telling you to be optimistic and positive since 2 years ago yet what i get, is a worse situation of her.

what else can i do?
0have left cookies for me

Date: Monday, June 8, 2009
Time: 6:14 AM
080609

today's our 14th month.

it's been long since we've gone out together on our "monthiversary". hahaha. it's nice going out with u again, although we are quite restricted of our actions.

i love you darling :D

sorry i still haven got your birthday gift, i'll get it soon k! MUACKS! :D
0have left cookies for me

Date: Sunday, June 7, 2009
Time: 7:35 AM
existence again

right now, i feel that my existence was just the mere sake of being there. it doesnt matter now.

i know if they are to read this, it'll break their hearts. but im feeling this right now. im not sure about tomorrow, neither am i sure of the next next day and the future.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:34 AM
paid the price

i know i've always been rude to them. this time maybe i have gone too far. everything was fine, till i burst out and argued though what i had thought to do was to reason out nicely. but the tone i used, if they havent realized, is the tone they used too. so is this reciprocal?

since i know that im using the tone they are using, why cant i change for the better?

im seriously the one left out now in this place. nothing i do or say pleases them. he came home and i was the first to look at him. i said softly, hello daddy, but i got nothing back. he came in and everyone greeted him and he greeted them back, warmly. is it because i said it too softly? we merely spoke one or two words yesterday. today nothing much. i drank some milk and placed my cup at the back. my mom said using a tone, can u wash your cup? at least help me a bit la! this kind of thing also cannot do, next time when u become someone's wife how? of course anger will rise in me. cant she ask nicely like, can u please wash your own cup? and of course, in a nice tone.

i wept on thursday night. i almost cried during choir cause i was reminded of them. i even booked tickets for them to watch my concert although there are slim chances of selling them now. i cried yesterday when i stayed in the kitchen eating my yoghurt bar and after my mom scolded me for spraying too much insecticide in order to kill roaches. it always happen when im back in my own room where privacy is all mine. my tears seem to be never ending. i've controlled a lot already. but inside, my heart wrenched. i guess these days, i just have to solemnly cry without them knowing, for it makes no difference letting them know that i cried.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:33 AM
waver

i know, im wavering.

i just cant stand seeing a much more good-looking guy. i always tell myself, you are good enough for me. u dont have the looks but u have the character in your heart that i've seen it, experienced it and was touched by it. yet, i've wavered and still am.

why cant i stay strong? i look around, i see some cute guy, and i go gaga over him. it's infatuation right? how can i be so unfaithful? haiz. you stood by me, you support and comfort me whenever im down, you are with me anytime, anywhere. but why why why? i know i've always wanted a good-looking guy with characterisitics like his but it's impossible. one cannot be perfect. one cannot have the looks and character of what one desires.

be satisfied. i have him. just him wil do. he doesnt mind what you do, cant you keep yourself heart, whole-heartedly, to him?
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:33 AM
hmm

i feel like a fake now.
am i that bad?

0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:32 AM
careless

you have made careless mistakes again. why? never mind about history, it cannot be altered. it will never be.
"keep moving forward", a quote u have learnt before.

whatever the results may be, i am sure you will end up somewhere. even if you cant get into mjc or vjc, schools that you have always dreamt about entering especially vjc, it's okay. there's always alternatives like polytechnics.

always remember, study hard, do your best. be alert and be on your toes. never let anything affect you, keep moving forward!
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:31 AM
the 'supreme' day is arriving

2 more days, from now. then our minds and souls can relax and be free!
let's work hard people.

to sister:
you have been working hard these days, yay :D lol. im sure you will do well. just dont panic and be your best. remember to take sufficient and ample rest! let your brain rest before the actual day, you'll remember things better. trust me :D jia you!

to brother:
although i've not seen you study much, im sure you'll do well too! cause you are smart, hahaa and you will fulfil the criteria. do your best on that day and the rest of the days! :D jia you!

to him:
i think u are studying? hahaha, i dont know. all i know is that i need to hear your voice for at least 10 minutes every night before i sleep. do your best okay? show your daddy you can do it :D and your brother, your sister, your mama, and your whole family which is huge and big. lol. jia you!

pink boxers?
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:31 AM
a title that isnt a title

why do u have to use a tone with me? you've never used a tone with me and that was a question but not specific enough thus i didnt answer to it. if not, im just plain dumb.

please, you know my calibre is lower than anyone else when it comes to understanding. why cant you just ask me in a nice way?

i didnt wanna confront you about this because i dont wanna ruin your mood. i bet when you see this your mood will definitely be dampened. but i had to vent this somewhere. not on you of course. i just want you to know how i feel instead of letting it go on and both of us will suffer in the end.

please, if you do read this, dont say what you usually say. i want you to be happy as usual and be yourself like you are now. despite that, i know you know what else to do, both of us live for a common reason.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:30 AM
who can stand the pressure?

i hate to say this, but after today, it will be exactly a week to the major examinations.

i am suffocating from the pressure. haiz.
i wish my grandma will still be alive.

come on, let's gear up!
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:27 AM
i dont know what this feeling is.

i just felt it recently.

it's that same old indescribable feeling that once again, engulfed me and to think it's the end of the term. i dont know why i feel that way.it's like a solemn feeling, a feeling of strangeness between you and me.

maybe it's because i dont feel the way u treat me like u treat others thus im feeling this way. but it's just so weird. i've never felt that way until now. it's like, a cold shoulder.

maybe it's because of me. i know im too outspoken at times, im too straightforward most of the times. i tend to offend people with what i say and without myself knowing it! im rather bad right? or like, im really notorious.

maybe you dont know that im feeling that way.

guess i do need to mellow down.

i never got many ___________ anyway.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:27 AM
is this the way now?

i dont know what's wrong with us these days.

we either get happy with each other, inseparable or irritated and upset over what each other says.

prelims results are almost all out, and i scored not that well. i admire those with brains, those who scored well despite playing and slacking through the year. haiz. means, more bucking up.

0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:26 AM
1 month

prelims are finally over. though the mugging has sort of ended for a while, it's going to start all over again - tomorrow.

after today, it's just going to be intensive revision and practice through everything in preparation for us. and i think i have to start a timetable, to plan what i have to do and what i really need to go through. the first on the list is my humanities because i am pretty sure that i did not do well for this test because i didnt study much for it. frankly speaking, i chose topics to study which isnt good.

so from now till the start of the final test to the end, i shall make good use of the remaining time and gather my will and determination to do well. no matter what the outcome is tomorrow, i will look forward to doing better.

shucks, this means more papers for me to do. =(

quote: dont worry too much, it stresses.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:24 AM
4 months, 18 days

today was the day that it happened in front of you.

im sorry.

i couldnt hold back further, it was unbearable.
today proved how much i love you. if i hadnt love you that much, i wouldnt even bother about whatever u said and your actions and stuff. i'd just do what i usually do and leave you be. however, no. i didnt. instead i did the exact opposite.

whatever it is, it's all over now. at least i still have you by my side and i dont wish to part.
i thank you for being with me, by my side and walking down the path that we both chose.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:24 AM
my life

why is my life screwed?
why are there so many ups and downs?
why is life so fake yet the truth is right in your face?

am i thinking too much?
even the most trusted person lies, who am i to believe then?
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:24 AM
the day i hope it will never come

the day i hope that it will never come hasnt come yet. but i really do hope it'll never ever appear in my life.

when i really lose it, just a few sentences like, "go away, i dont want to talk to you", " i dont want to see you, get lost", "whatever you do is not my business", "dont come and say anything, im not listening" and such marks the end of it. THEN, that day will arrive.

however, i really hope i dont.

my life is like the picturesque at the back of my foolscap.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:23 AM
why me?

i dont get it. why is it always me doing the chores? dont i need to study?

what kind of excuse did my brother give to my parents everytime he's asked to do the chores? "i need to study leh, my A levels coming. im failing my GP already lor. fail means i cant pass A levels, later retake very horrible."

what about me? i have O levels. as if im not failing. im failing my physics, on the verge of failing my a maths and chemistry, comb humans - hmmm. so if i was to fail O levels, who am i to blame? me, myself and i. fingers will be pointed at me by them. clearly they will say, you are always at the computer, not doing your work. oh, so he's not at the computer ALL the time? hello... i dont even play computer games. the computer is just a facility i use to communicate. save time and money for sms and phone calls.

whatever it is, i find it a damn unfair treatment. i wash the utensils my brother used and of course mine. i mop the floor and hand-wipe it. i bring up my clothes, along with my parents' when asked to, and i have to bring his up too? even his uniform etcetc. why me?! he has legs, he has hands, why cant he bring them up by himself. just because he's in his room, im in the office. u can see whatever im doing and u cant see whatever he's doing behind close doors, does that mean whatever he's doing is relevant while mine isnt?

bias. damn bias. i never liked being pushed around.

if u two think this is fair, i beg to differ. i can list out every single thing u asked me to do and i obeyed. tell me, how many times have u two asked him to do the chores? everything will be pushed to me in the end. one day i'll just blow and flare up at you two, dont u come saying things to me and if u side him saying he have to study, u gonna be soooooo dead cause u just dont know how to weigh things.

arggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:21 AM
existence

i feel as if my life on this planet is to become a slave. my job is slavery. i do what i am told. i just keep working. i get scolded even when i have finished my work.

so, what more to expect from my life?
there's nothing left worthy to speak about.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:21 AM
i cant stand it anymore

im just sick and tired of my life in this place, that's all.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:20 AM
yet

god knows what i've written for my previous half written post, i cant find it now. -.-

all i know is that it hurts inside. those words are like arrows shooting through me, knives stabbing relentlessly. i know it's me, im the one at fault. im not ready at any point now. i fear. maybe it's just me watching too many romance movies and dramas so i've seen the good side and bad side of relationships.

i fear losing you, i admit. i've thought of days to spend with you and opportunities to be with you. nevertheless, not neglecting the rest around us. there's that longing, im sure u know how it feels. with you, i feel warm, because you are warm-blooded and that's a fact. but it really feels good when you are around, it seems easy to tell you everything, yet at this point, some part in me doesnt agree.

meeting up with you on saturday was pleasing and i was really happy you could make time to come out. although i know there were consequences and the length of time of meeting was restricted, i was still satisfied for that short moment ----- just to see you, to hear your voice, to sit with you and simply smile. i know that i mean more to you than you mean more to me.

call me sensitive and all, it's just me. i take things harsh, i take things light. it all depends on myself. you are just there, and you can be gone with the wind in a split second. i worry your bill will burst whenever we sms too much but i wanna know that you are still here, on earth. sometimes, i dont feel your presence, it's not there. that's when my heart will squeeze itself and im comforted by moozey most of the times. only when your presence can be felt once again, my heart will open and blossom as my mood turns from upset to cheerful.

i dont regret being with you. i've fulfilled what you've wished for since last year june/july and you have given me the opportunity of realizing who you are inside. honestly, i had doubts when we first started. but u kept me assured and u gave me what i thought i'd never get. people have been telling me, you are not what u are on the outside. you are more than what's outside.

i think i've said enough for today.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:19 AM
it's just this.

sometimes i just wanna say, "yea whatever." or simply, "whatever."

end of story.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:19 AM
negative

i just felt that way all of a sudden.

it felt tight, ripping the insides of me apart. what hurts even more was reading weijie's blog. that was even much more heartwrenching. listening to the whole album of Secondhand Serenade sure spiralled me to the depths below.

i've been waiting. 10 minutes. 20, 30 minutes. i felt the urge to call but i know i wont get the answer that i want. i wanted to call weijie to pour my heart out but my family's home; he's hurt enough anyway. life's a real torture, i dont know what's wrong with me. i dont know why i keep thinking.

i can see that they have been trying to accommodate to my present mood but it isnt helping. sometimes i wish they would just stop asking questions. the weekends were long and they past fast. it's almost the end of the 19th of May '08. i've wasted my time. i tried doing my work. i stared at the questions and penned them down on my paper. the clock ticked by and nothing else was written. what am i doing?

i want some time. i need some time. i miss my grandparents especially my grandmother. i wish she was here to listen to me. i miss her house and the times when my cousins, uncles and aunties would get together for a gathering. i vividly remembered how ignorant i was when she passed away. i was ill, sick, throughout her funeral and didnt know what death was. my maid carried me down to my grandmother's coffin and i stared and asked, "why is ah ma so white?"

that must be the most ridiculous question ever asked by me when im facing a dead person. i was so oblivious to my surroundings but my parents didnt reprimand me because i was still young. now im filled with regrets, i wish she was still alive. i wanna watch tv programmes with her and if possible, play mahjong with her now. we can play blackjack too, with all my cousins and brother.

i miss the food she cooked, the soup she boiled. i miss the kueh she made and myself squatting beside her, trying to learn how to roll the dough and such. i miss her kitchen, i miss her room. i miss that long flight of stairs that i always sit and hide myself from the group of adults sitting at the dining table chatting. i miss the days my cousins and i played hide and seek.

every now and then, whenever my father drives along Still Road, i would request him to drive into Lorong G to see unit 11. it looks different now; the new owners had got the house renovated. the balcony's gone, the front gate and door are changed, the windows arent the same anymore. at least, the outline of the house remains.

i dont know how to end this post. go figure.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:18 AM
stop it

first, stop screaming at me would you? happy? you just ruin my day.

next, stop thinking please, it's bad. stop having those negative thoughts, it will bring you back to pri 6.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:18 AM
who am i, what am i?

everyday i come home, i'll sit in this brown, huge seat ------- a seat that is approximately 3/4 of my height, one whereby i had to climb onto when i was young, one that has existed even before i was born, i guess.

i always sit and think about the day, whatever that had happened. then it has always struck me, reflections, of my actions. were they positive or negative? and i wonder, do others sit and reflect? or do they just go home, take a refreshing shower and just slack the day off or just do things as they please? at this very moment, im thinking, how am i like to others in fact? my actions, to myself, may seem all right, neutral, no offence, nothing. come to think of it, it may be just myself thinking too much or as what they say, paranoid; i think that i go too far at times.

i appreciate negative comments coming in, though they arent that much, so does that mean that im almost flawless? i beg to differ. i know where my cons are, and i bet that my pros are way lesser than my cons. no one is flawless, no one is perfect. then when people start to give u a cold shoulder, out of the blue, you tend to wonder, like im wondering myself, what have i done? it's torturing to get away without knowing what has exactly happened. though a saying goes, it's better not to know things than to know about them. yet, without knowing, you get hurt by whatever that is happening in front of you; when u know about it, you get hurt too.

life is fragile; life isnt sweet. life is full of obstacles, preparing to knock us dead down and that's the time we give up. i held on tight, i held on pretending that everything isnt crashing down. now i face, another challenge, one that will stab in straight, no warning, no call. and i just fall from where i stand, to depths below that no one can imagine; im gone.

0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:17 AM
things that dont happen, they are happening

i really dont know why i feel agitated easily. and i've realized, i'm much more of emotional these few days, in the sense, listening to emo songs. influence? or just a gut feeling to become emo?

the vast skies that spread to the horizon ahead, they just spread to wherever they want to spread to, wherever they wanna reach. things arent that simple, they arent that straightforward. looking at them, they mention this and that, do you ever wonder, why they make such comments?

do you ever wonder why the sky is called 'sky'?

do you ever wonder why a bottle is called 'bottle'?

or even wonder why prehistory turns out to be our modern times, the 21st century at this point of time?

do things even process through the thing in our heads called brains? why is it called a brain anyway? what's a mind? head isnt mind, is it?

i really dont understand life.

the adults, they have their own way of thinking. they love to argue over trivial matters, maybe not love to, like to. and why is it a habit that the head of the family has the right to order people around in te family? it's like, we are all human beings, we are all of equal status, just of different age. then they'll say, "my parents did that to me before, so it's gonna be the same for you." like, what's the link? first, it's not heredity, it's not some logic of 'monkey see, monkey do'. things change, a lot. olden days' thinking is totally out in this modern period of life. even music, muisc changes with time. from baroque to classical, romantic and lastly, to date, the modern period.

maybe it's just that life is boring, life is worthless. no, maybe life isnt worthless. cause twilight's there to save me. edward, explicit example, yet one of a kind or rather, none exists on Earth.

i wont die yet anyway, mooozey is there for me since young, so is whiskey. they listen to me and make no comments, yea, if they were to make any comments, i'd freak out too. i know what u all are thinking. what are they? plush toys, soft toys. plushies that i've received from young and are still in good condition. i cant bear to throw them away. it's a replacement for a real life doggy, i think. since dogs are my favourite animal.

listen to fall for you -second serenade, it's totally awesome. dont tear.

dont use that tone,
it's like forcing me.
im not your possession.
go do some reflections, please.

0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:17 AM
regrets?

yea, maybe i do regret.

regret. regret. regret.
why do i take things so hardly? why am i so sensitive? why cant i have an open mind? are these inheritance from my parents? if so, then it really sucks.

a feeling of non-existance; i do not belong to this world.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:16 AM
on with the usuals

go ahead, slap me if you want.

it's a problem u'll never see, you cant see it.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:16 AM
yes i do

if u gonna ask if i despise home, i will answer honestly and faithfully, yes i do.

that excruciating torture that this place inflicts on me, in fact, it isnt the place. it's the people. i confess, this place is awesome, up till to date; the bedroom where i sleep in, the area where my piano is placed, moozey on my bed, the patio, the zen-like garden. it's a holy, sacred-like place. but it's the people that ruin it all.

for goodness sake, can you all please stop it. and i dont understand why i dont deserve trust. do i lie that often? do i play a fool and do things that disgrace your faces? as a matter of fact, he lied more than me. he was more playful and everything. yea, so he's a guy. why is this world so male-dominating? all you say is, oh, girls, easy to get advantage of, people love cheating little girls, this that. as if i dont know? i do know! but then, think! we girls know how to defend ourselves and we dont go out in the night alone, that's practically stupid. you think guys dont get advantage of easily? they do!

and to think, im almost turning 16 to be just patted on a head, like a little girl who obediently listens to everything.

absurd, ridiculous. all the abhor, all the disgust, rising within me. it's so agonizing. i shall not talk about suicide, cause it's a stupid thing to do.

it's sinful, it's sinful, it's so damn sinful.

it's not there.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:12 AM
peace and tranquility never exist here

there she went, rattling on, non-stop. i wasnt even listening to her, it seemed oblivious to her though. i didnt make any comments nor answer any of her statements though i find her voice irritating. and she's beginning to act cute, a lot. you want an explicit example of cute? take brother as an example, especially when he makes that weird face. it's totally hilarious.

then from morning till end of lesson, she kept complaining, talking, chattering, again, non-stop. she doesnt know when to stop, everyone can see that. and it gets on nerves. sometimes, just that little teeny weeny bit of concentration can disappear thanks to that voice. irritating.

and what's your problem now? it was just a mere question, and i just need a mere answer. there was no need to scream at the top of your lungs, announcing to the neighbourhood that u were scolding me. you are irritated, then u think im not? puh-lease, every singapore student, except some poly students, wake up 5-6am to get to school. you should be glad im not wanting you to fetch me to school everyday because all u complain is the price of fuel rising.

it's rising within me.

next you, you say that i dont tell you things and stuff. i dont wanna tell you, cause it's pointless. waste of my breath to explain everything out in details. besides, you'll never get to know what im thinking up there. cause you dont understand what im thinking. you think it's wrong. you think that the older generation is right. oh, no. you think that u are right, in everything, be it decisions or whatsoever.

now tell me, what's the point of staying here.

a barrier of shyness and awkwardness lies between me and you.
im sorry.
0have left cookies for me

Date:
Time: 7:11 AM
it's just another day

what u gonna read are unhappy posts because this journal is all for unhappy beings like me.actually not. im just avoiding people who has invaded my privacy, especially it's only for friends to read.

like i said, sad, unhappy. it'll never be jolly here.

say today, what a "happy" day it was. laughter, fun and some unexpected stuff happening in school. well, that's what school is for right? back home, a lashing was just what the day needed to be plunged into sorrows and there you go.

it's pathetic at times.

i wonder to myself, and i've said this many times. if do also wrong, dont do also wrong, what's the point when nothing is ever correct? it's just so depressing at times. then when the digressing comes, it's just so painful to hear. one day, it's just shutting myself up, isolated from this world. that's when there's peace(without joy nor laughter).

im so mesmerized by you,
everyday i take at least a glimpse of you.
i was taken aback today by that,
however, i know it's impossible.
still, u do look good.

forget it.
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