about the escaper
This place belongs to you and me. No one else know of this place. My renaissance are all kept here, happy or sad, it doesn't matter.

past escapes
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
May 2010
June 2010

soul mates
url friend A

resources
x o x o x
tuesdaynight
*For the glow effect tutorial.
Date: Friday, February 19, 2010
Time: 6:54 AM
when you make a wrong move, try your best never to regret it

it's been a year. everything has been going on like it should be i guess just not certain things.

i feel that my life is just this and that. im a person who doesnt have many friends honestly. im more of a loner, i do things alone; i keep things to myself. it's true that i bottle things up cause i dont know who i can turn to. i get chided for thinking that way, i get a tone or whatsoever, i get teased. it's as if i want to do that but sometimes i dont but it's just me.

as you live, you make decisions. some are right, some are wrong. when it's right, you feel so pleased with yourself and motivated to get things going. when it's wrong, the whole world just go against you and things do not seem the way it is or it supposedly should be. my world is quite turned inside out. i dont know what to do.

i've landed myself in a school that i never thought i would land in. people say, when you plan something, you must always have a backup plan. maybe poly is a better choice? i never thought of poly because my aim was to get into a jc just not tpjc, sr, y, or any lousy. my first 3 aims were vj, tj and mj. these three. yet i couldnt even make the mark and i do know what the problem is. till today, i cant seem to make that change.

it has been so strenuous, exhausting to live day by day. recently i kept feelings frowns, like a weight stuck to my forehead, being pulled down by gravity yet it'll never fall off. my smiles arent appearing as often. im affected by almost every single thing. does anyone understand how i feel?

then, i hate myself for being weak. let's use a better word, dislike. hate is too crude. dislike myself for being weak. when people are teasing me, i take it for real. when they do tease me, i dont know how to retaliate. i just let them be and im almost immune to it but not perfectly immuned. is this how life is supposed to be?

then my studies. grades are plunging. i know what i have to do to get back up on my feet but do i have the time? do i have the will, determination and perseverance to get back up to where i wanted myself to be, where i longed to be?

i should have joined ODAC. my life would be more enriching.

then family. seeing his family, im filled with envy. it amazes me that they all get along so well, all of them. i dont see anyone left out or chided. i dont see any dispute amongst them. then looking at my own, i see a drastic difference. from character to grades, i feel ashamed being with him somehow.

im trying my best not to regret my decisions made. i want my life to be a better one.

please shoo the frown away, chase the smile back.
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